Embarrassment and Regret.
Of all emotions, these are what I could not tolerate. Sadness I could tolerate for in life, sorrow is a companion and with sorrow there is pain. But to be embarrassed in front of a crowd, a crowd of strangers whom you are not intimately acquainted with, is something beyond pain to me. I always pray every time I could that He would keep me from embarrassment. Let my brother see my undies, I don’t care, for as long as it wasn’t a classmate! Yes, that is how much I could not tolerate embarrassment.
It is not something that could be easily forgotten just as other people can. Maybe, for a short period of time and in hours of busy work, I could forget but when I lay on my bed alone, all the embarrassment rushes back like a surge of electricity.
I see to it that I keep my hyperactive character on moderation when I am outside home. I am much much more conscious and careful when I’m in school or somewhere else other than in my abode. I am naturally careless and because of this I could laugh off a few “slips” like making a big noise in the middle of a loud silence and tense atmosphere. But to accidentally slip my attaché case and all the papers containing it? And then no one dares to pick it up for you? And you have to chase after papers flying with the wind and makes such funny gestures so unladylike? No way.
Regret is another feeling I try to avoid. I am the kind of person who takes seriously the saying, “Think ahead.” In every decision I always try to contemplate and comprehend, “What will become of me after this?”. I don’t expect too high or I’ll fall too low. I try to be careful with my words and actions so I won’t offend others and in turn make a bad impression. All this leads to regret. All this leads to questions like, “How I wish I did not say or did not do that?” I am not optimistic put I’m not also a pessimistic. I just don’t take for granted the fact that though you might be optimistic about this plan, it might turn out the other way.
From time to time I encounter embarrassments and a few regrets but the fact that I did something to avoid it but failed makes me feel quite satisfied at least.
How about you?